Lasers PLS

Chapter 2: A Lasers Kidnapping

   When Jason woke up early the next morning, he sat in bed for a while, listening. He couldn’t hear either Mandy or Nate, so he assumed that they were both still asleep. His stomach made an insistent, unhappy noise, so he stood up and headed for the kitchen.

   He didn’t know what he’d been expecting the inside of Nate’s fridge to look like, but he wasn’t fully prepared for the sheer coffee force inside. Literally every food item on the shelves or in the vegetable crisper was coffee-related. Jason pulled what he thought was a carton of eggs toward him only to find that it was filled with coffee beans. He unscrewed the cap of a carton of orange juice only to find that it was frappucino, not juice. Did Nate seriously live on this? Didn’t he ever eat actual food?

   Jason sighed and embarked on a trip to the supermarket, which was uneventful, unless you count the muscular cashier who flirted with him. The cashier, Jason reflected, did have quite a nice body. But no matter. Breakfast was to be had.

   After setting off the smoke alarm twice and burning his hand once, Jason was able to cook something vaguely resembling breakfast. It wasn’t his fault, though. Nate hadn’t had any pans, due to his lack of a need for them (remember that his sustenance is derived from coffee), so Jason had had to cook with plates. Jason rather thought that the sacrifice of one of Nate’s nicest plates (which had burnt to ash and little crumbly bits) was worth the meal.

   Because Jason was thoughtful, he saved some for Mandy (but none for Nate, who would be perfectly fine after some coffee). When he knocked on her bedroom door, though, she didn’t respond. Jason thought it would be best to let her sleep in, but the bacon and eggs he’d made were getting cold.

   “Is that food?” Nate asked sleepily, stumbling into the kitchen.

   “You eat?” Jason asked incredulously.

   Nate shuffled to the fridge and took out the orange juice carton. He proceeded to pour frappucino all over the breakfast. Just kidding! Nate eats like everyone else does. He just normally does it without anyone seeing. Watchful people make him somewhat nervous.

   “Stop staring at me,” Nate said uncomfortably. Jason was, indeed, staring quite obviously. With his mouth hanging open. It wasn’t like he thought Nate was cute or anything…Well, okay, he did, but still not quite as adorable as Mandy.

   Mandy still didn’t come out of her room that afternoon, nor that night, nor the morning afterwards. Jason and Nate began to be concerned.

   “Do you think she’s sick?” Jason whispered.

   “Maybe,” Nate whispered.

   “Why are we whispering?” Jason whispered back.

   Nate pounded on Mandy’s door. No response. He pounded harder, and when nobody answered, he smashed down the door. Caffeine does wonders for the strength of the average human being.

   The bed was empty. The window was wide open. A note had been left on Mandy’s pillow, and when Jason hurried over to read it, this is what it said:

   If you ever want to find your precious friend again, you must sacrifice what is most dear to you. Burn it. Destroy it. Turn your back on it. I do this because I do what I want.                                           

                                                                                           - Anonymous

   “I have to give up Thorki?” Jason wailed.

   “I have to destroy Jaso—I mean, coffee?” Nate cried.

   “Wait, what’d you say?” Jason said, staring at Nate.

   “Nothing,” Nate said huffily.

   “Good, good,” a voice cackled from the corner. Nate and Jason whipped around the see a hooded figure crouched in the corner, just as frappejason had looked, only this person’s hood was red, not black.

   “Who are you?” Jason asked, annoyed to find yet another stranger in the house. That was three in two days!

   “A loyal servant of frappejason, of course,” the figure said, tilting its head. “It is my —” The stranger stood up and inhaled deeply. “OH!!! TEE!!! PEEEEEEEEEEEEE—”

   Jason clamped a hand over the loyal servant’s mouth (or hood, rather), because his or her (Jason couldn’t really tell what gender the stranger was, and there were larger issues at hand anyway, like Mandy’s kidnapping) voice echoed through the neighborhood.

   It wasn’t hard for Jason to figure out that someone who worked for frappejason’s cause had removed Mandy from the picture in an attempt to push Nate and Jason together.

   “Tell me where she is!” Jason yelled, shaking the hooded stranger (who, for future reference, we shall address as Loyal Servant of the Ship of Frappejason Dedicated to Shipping As Hard As A Ship Can Be Shipped, or Servant for short).

   Servant clamped his or her mouth shut (and although we cannot see through the hood, we shall assume that this happened because no noise issued forth).

   “Here,” Nate said, pushing Jason away. “Hello, stranger. I’m Nate.”

   “Hello, Nate,” Servant said cautiously, because who can ignore Nate?

   Nate beamed at Servant, and his or her heart melted somewhat, because how many people in the world have remained immune to Nate’s natural charm?

   “She’s, um, in Florida,” Servant muttered.

   “Good work,” Jason said, patting Nate’s head. “Your cuteness—er, charisma—finally came in handy.”

   “Where in Florida, and why?” Nate asked coaxingly.

   “Spiderman,” Servant managed to say, before a dart flew through the still-open window and hit him or her in the neck.

   “It’s poisoned,” Jason said immediately. “Darts are always poisoned.”

   “Let’s go get Mandy!” Nate yelled, running out of the room. They drove to the airport as quickly as possible, which means that Nate didn’t have time to put on pants and Jason didn’t have time to figure out why Spiderman was a location in Florida.

   Almost immediately after arriving in Florida, they spotted Mandy at a nearby amusement park, hugging Spiderman.

   “Nice shirt,” they heard Spiderman say, even from a distance.

   “Thank you!” Mandy said, beaming in the cutest way possible.

   Nate and Jason smashed into the two of them.

   “WE’RE HERE TO SAVE YOU, MANDY!” they yelled, and with that, they grabbed Mandy and ran. They were about to kick Spiderman for good measure, but Mandy with her usually sweet temper gave them glares from hell and beyond.

   “You’ve ruined my vacation for a second time!” Mandy said, looking, understandably, upset.

   “Vacation?” Jason said.

   “Second time?” Nate said.

   And so they stayed in Florida for a while, having a good time spending far too much money at Disneyworld (no bread is worth 6 dollars, honestly!) and apologizing to Spiderman (he was very nice about it). All in all, it was good family fun (as long as you don’t tell the police about the body in Mandy’s room).